“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
The word self-control almost makes me shudder. I think this has to do with the fact that I know self-control is vitally important . . . and yet, it is a character trait that seems to be all too frequently lacking in my life. For some reason, self-control seems to be the hardest fruit of the spirit to cultivate . . . at least for me.
But just because it may difficult, I don’t get to pass on this one.
The people of God are called to be a people of self-control.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
The result of salvation is mentioned in Titus 2:
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age . . . ” (Titus 2:11-12)
Women are specifically called to live self-controlled lives in the oft-mentioned passage in Titus 2 where the older women are instructed to teach the younger women “to be self-controlled.“
The dangers of not cultivating self-control are discused in Proverbs 25:28:
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
The lack of self-control is picutred as being very dangerous. A city with broken walls provides no protection against attacking enemies or maurauding wild animals. A strong city takes the time to make sure its walls are in a constant state of upkeep in order to protect its citizens.
Similarly, self-control is a virtue that provides protection in our lives. It keeps us from doing what we know is wrong. It compels us to act when we know what is right. It keeps our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our emotions, our everything under subjection. Self-control molds, shapes, and fashions a person of strong character.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin
So, what are some practical ways we can develop and demonstrate self-control?
1. First and foremost, read God’s Word! This cannot be emphasized strongly enough . . . indeed, it has been mentioned every week in our Making Your Home a Haven series. This is because the Scriptures must be the foundation of our lives. This book shows us what to do and what not to do; it shows us how to love God and how to love others; it shows us how to develop character. This book is of utmost importance in cultivating self-control (or any other virtue for that matter!)
2. Learn to say “no.” It can be quite difficult to say “no” when everything inside me wants to say “yes.” But part of the discipline of self-control is learning when to say “no” to those things that dishonor God, that encourage the development of bad habits, that do not demonstrate love to our family and friends, that do not honor our husbands, etc.
3. Learn to say “yes.” I have discovered in my own life that I have these little senses at times that indicate to me whether I should do something or whether I should not do something. I have come to recognize them as promptings from the Holy Spirit. I don’t always follow the promptings, yet, I am seeking to learn to be more self-controlled in responding to these. It can be just as hard to say “yes” to something we know is right as it is to say “no” to something we know is wrong.
“He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires, and fears, is more than a king.” – John Milton
4. Develop self-control over your body. This is difficult! This part of self-control will look different for everyone because we each have our own shortcoming and weaknesses. It may be eating too much; it may be reading romance novels; it may be watching too much tv or spending too much time on facebook. It may be using our time unwisely. Whatever it is, purpose to make a difference. Purpose to reclaim that part of your life for Christ.
5. Develop self-control over your mind. Don’t let your mind be driven about by popular ways of thinking! Fasten your mind upon the truths of God’s Word; think upon it, meditate upon it. I have heard it said that we need to preach to ourselves rather than listening to ourselves. It is much too easy (I know from personal experience) to let my mind carry me away. I can quickly begin thinking of how so-and-so is mistreating me. Or how unfair life is. Or how much better life would be if just this one thing could change. My thoughts carry me away all too quickly. Don’t let that happen! Preach the truth of God’s Word to yourself. We must obey 2 Corinthians 10:5 and bring our thoughts captive to Christ.
6. Develop self-control over your emotions. Learn that emotions are not what should be driving you. God gave us emotions; they have a place. But they should always be subject to the truth of God. Stereotypically, women are creatures of emotion. That is fine; but our emotions cannot be what dictates to us what we think. Our emotions must be true to the truth of God’s Word.
7. Develop self-control over your tongue. This is a challenge . . . even Scripture calls it so! (James 3:8) Yet, this is one of the greatest tools we have. It can either be a tool to tear down, to destroy, to hurt. Or it can be a tool to edify, to build up, to encourage, to love, to teach. Purpose to bring your tongue under control.
8. Stop procrastinating! Pick one thing today that you have been putting off and do it!
“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle
9. Be encouraged — developing self-control in one area will encourage it in another. As you cultivate self-control in one area of life, expect conviction on other areas of life where you lack self-control. Embrace the conviction. Thank God for it. Continually look for ways to improve your self-control.
