I’m expecting a new little addition to our family at the end of this year! We are so excited!! (Melinda and I have always wanted to be pregnant at the same time…so we’re thrilled!)

But with the first trimester comes “morning sickness”. So while we both focus on taking care of ourselves and the new lives growing inside of us blogging is going to be slowing down for awhile. We hope to be able to post occasionally. And, hopefully, once the sickness has passed we’ll be able to get back into a regular posting schedule.

I had been a bit troubled by hearing over and over again that the root cause of all depression is a sin issue. If I was depressed, it was because I was choosing to feel that way. I think anyone who has truly been depressed knows that it is not an intentional choice.

David Murray addresses the issue of depression in Christians with compassion. He does not attribute depression to all spiritual causes or all physical causes, but he acknowledges that there are variety of issues that come in to play, affecting depression.

Murray writes with compassion, and he takes compassion for depressed people seriously. He talks about how depression is most often a problem that includes chemical issues, spiritual issues, and false thought patterns. He thinks to address depression all issues need to be addressed.

He believes it is unhelpful to tell depressed people just to get over it or that they are depressed becasue they have sin in their lives. Frequently there are other issues at stake. The Christian church has a history of downplaying depression. David Murray treats it seriously, compasisonately, yet biblically.

I would highly recommend this book.

Join me over At the Well to continue reading this post.

And yet, it is one of the recurring facts of life…ink cartridges must be replaced eventually. And it is truly not fun to need to print something out, only to realize that your printer is out of ink…and you don’t have any new ones.

Enter Double Inks. Tim and I decided to give this company a try. I kept receiving advertisements from them, claiming to have great deals on ink. Well…saving money and having the ink delivered to our home saving us a 30-minute trip to the nearest Best Buy…sounds like a win-win situation to me.

We received our box of ink in the mail and skeptically replaced an ink cartridge. Part of me just thought this deal was too good to be true. We printed a test paper…and we love it! The ink is great…and the price is amazing!

We bought 15 ink cartridges…6 black and 9 color. At Double Inks  we spent $55.00…at Best Buy it would have cost us $239.94.

You simply can’t beat convenience and a good deal…and that is what works for me.

Let’s take for instance the role of a wife and mother. When a woman decides to get married and to make her home her primary focus, other life options become inaccessible. I was able to spend three and a half months in Israel while in college; this opportunity would not have been practical at all if I had been married. Marriage limits freedom. Single women are free to do many things because they are not as concerned with taking care of a home and family.

Then again some single women have jobs. Again jobs outside the home limit freedom because jobs require responsibility. When any person accepts a job, she is committing to be a responsible person, fulfilling the requirements of the job.

It seems then that responsibilities (whether it be marriage, a job, or any other responsibility) limits freedom.

In many ways, we are programmed to think that the loss of freedom is a bad thing. Freedom is prized so greatly in American culture. Yet, limitation of freedom is a good thing. Marriage and family is important within the Christian worldview and the limitations that come from accepting marriage and family are good things. Similarly, God brings various other responsibilities into our lives. When we accept what God is done and has doing, we will simultaneously be accepting limitations on other freedoms. But again, when God is involved it can be a good thing.

But when I thought about that statement, I realized it wasn’t really true. The worst I ever felt? That would have to be when I was horribly sick with food poisoning. That was the worst I ever felt. But the thing about morning sickness is knowing I feel awful right now . . . and I will tomorrow too . . . and the next day . . . and the next day, always hoping for the magical second trimester when I hoped the morning sickness would be done.

It was also hard to remember why I was feeling so sick. I hadn’t started gaining alot of weight; I didn’t really need to wear maternity clothes yet. I couldn’t feel my baby moving. In some ways, it was easy to forget that I had a baby. The only thing I could focus on was I feel horrible.

But then it all changed.

No, it didn’t change when I hit second trimester (although the morning sickness has lessened a great deal.)

It changed the first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat.

Suddenly, I wasn’t sick for no reason. We have a baby! I heard our baby’s heartbeat and suddenly it was worth it. The horrible sickness, the throwing up, the aching back, everything. In that moment, I suddenly had a good perspective. I’m doing this for my baby.

It was one of the best feelings in the world. The midwife stopped the Doppler moving across my stomach. I heard the small, swishing sound. She looked at me and said, “That’s your baby.” I hope I never forget that moment.

Instead of spending one day doing all of the cooking, I spread the work out over three days. It wasn’t as overwhelming as doing it all in one day is.

I ended up with:

4 loaves of pumpkin bread
2 bags of bean and cheese burritos
3 meals of baked chicken
4 meals of spicy chicken
4 meals of sloppy joes
4 meals of shredded beef tacos
3 pounds of chicken cooked

I was hoping to make some more, but my freezer is packed full! I’m looking forward to easy meals this month!!

It took a little while, but eventually I began to notice how bad my grout was looking. I knew it was clean because I had washed…and washed…and washed. I’d tried scrubbing (good old-fashioned elbow grease), but that didn’t work. I tried hydrogen peroxide and baking soda…vinegar and baking soda. Nothing worked. Eventually I assumed that I’d be stuck with brown grout for the rest of my life…or until we moved out…or until we got new counter tops. However, none of those options were in the foreseeable future.

So when I saw a blog mention bleach pens, I was slightly skeptical. After all, I had tried just about everything. And I didn’t particularly care for the idea of using bleach on my counters…where I prepare our food.

But I was desperate.

(You can faintly see the icky looking grout. There were places that were a lot worse!)

So I picked one up and set to work. And I was amazed at the results!

It took time…and some elbow grease. And now my rag has bleach spots on it, but I don’t care! My grout finally looks good!

I discovered that it works the best if you put the bleach on the grout, let it sit for 10-15 minutes and then scrub it off. I should have bought at least one (maybe two) more tube. As it is…half of my kitchen grout looks clean and the other half still looks pretty bad. Oh well! Now that I know it works I’ll be picking some more up soon.

The word self-control almost makes me shudder. I think this has to do with the fact that I know self-control is vitally important . . . and yet, it is a character trait that seems to be all too frequently lacking in my life. For some reason, self-control seems to be the hardest fruit of the spirit to cultivate . . . at least for me.

But just because it may difficult, I don’t get to pass on this one.

The people of God are called to be a people of self-control.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

The result of salvation is mentioned in Titus 2:

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age . . . ” (Titus 2:11-12)

Women are specifically called to live self-controlled lives in the oft-mentioned passage in Titus 2 where the older women are instructed to teach the younger women “to be self-controlled.“

The dangers of not cultivating self-control are discused in Proverbs 25:28:

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” 

The lack of self-control is picutred as being very dangerous. A city with broken walls provides no protection against attacking enemies or maurauding wild animals. A strong city takes the time to make sure its walls are in a constant state of upkeep in order to protect its citizens.

Similarly, self-control is a virtue that provides protection in our lives. It keeps us from doing what we know is wrong. It compels us to act when we know what is right. It keeps our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our emotions, our everything under subjection. Self-control molds, shapes, and fashions a person of strong character.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

So, what are some practical ways we can develop and demonstrate self-control?

1. First and foremost, read God’s Word! This cannot be emphasized strongly enough . . . indeed, it has been mentioned every week in our Making Your Home a Haven series. This is because the Scriptures must be the foundation of our lives. This book shows us what to do and what not to do; it shows us how to love God and how to love others; it shows us how to develop character. This book is of utmost importance in cultivating self-control (or any other virtue for that matter!)

2. Learn to say “no.” It can be quite difficult to say “no” when everything inside me wants to say “yes.” But part of the discipline of self-control is learning when to say “no” to those things that dishonor God, that encourage the development of bad habits, that do not demonstrate love to our family and friends, that do not honor our husbands, etc.

3. Learn to say “yes.” I have discovered in my own life that I have these little senses at times that indicate to me whether I should do something or whether I should not do something. I have come to recognize them as promptings from the Holy Spirit. I don’t always follow the promptings, yet, I am seeking to learn to be more self-controlled in responding to these. It can be just as hard to say “yes” to something we know is right as it is to say “no” to something we know is wrong.

“He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires, and fears, is more than a king.” – John Milton

4. Develop self-control over your body. This is difficult! This part of self-control will look different for everyone because we each have our own shortcoming and weaknesses. It may be eating too much; it may be reading romance novels; it may be watching too much tv or spending too much time on facebook. It may be using our time unwisely. Whatever it is, purpose to make a difference. Purpose to reclaim that part of your life for Christ.

5. Develop self-control over your mind. Don’t let your mind be driven about by popular ways of thinking! Fasten your mind upon the truths of God’s Word; think upon it, meditate upon it. I have heard it said that we need to preach to ourselves rather than listening to ourselves. It is much too easy (I know from personal experience) to let my mind carry me away. I can quickly begin thinking of how so-and-so is mistreating me. Or how unfair life is. Or how much better life would be if just this one thing could change. My thoughts carry me away all too quickly. Don’t let that happen! Preach the truth of God’s Word to yourself. We must obey 2 Corinthians 10:5 and bring our thoughts captive to Christ.

6. Develop self-control over your emotions. Learn that emotions are not what should be driving you. God gave us emotions; they have a place. But they should always be subject to the truth of God. Stereotypically, women are creatures of emotion. That is fine; but our emotions cannot be what dictates to us what we think. Our emotions must be true to the truth of God’s Word.

7. Develop self-control over your tongue. This is a challenge . . . even Scripture calls it so! (James 3:8) Yet, this is one of the greatest tools we have. It can either be a tool to tear down, to destroy, to hurt. Or it can be a tool to edify, to build up, to encourage, to love, to teach. Purpose to bring your tongue under control.

8. Stop procrastinating! Pick one thing today that you have been putting off and do it!

“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

9. Be encouraged — developing self-control in one area will encourage it in another. As you cultivate self-control in one area of life, expect conviction on other areas of life where you lack self-control. Embrace the conviction. Thank God for it. Continually look for ways to improve your self-control.

One morning last week I checked my Facebook and saw an email from a dear friend with the wonderful news that she was expecting a precious baby. I was so excited for her! The next morning when I checked Facebook I saw that there was the possibility she might be having a miscarriage.

Immediately I began to pray. After our miscarriage, I had so many people tell me that being able to comfort and encourage others during a similar situation was one of the blessings of going through a trial. Perhaps now was my time to be a comforter.

The next two days I constantly checked Facebook and offered up numerous prayers for my friend and her baby. I kept my phone nearby in case she wanted to call and talk. The two days seemed to pass by so slowly.

Finally, during one of my Facebook checks, I saw the glorious news that her baby and pregnancy were safe. Instead of feeling joy and thankfulness however, I thought, “Why? Why did God save her baby and not mine?”

The thought took me by surprise. I had thought I was moving on…not forgetting my baby, but choosing to praise God for His blessings and looking forward to the day I will meet my baby in heaven. While I was grateful my friend wouldn’t go through the heartache I had experienced, I realized that some days my grief is still open and raw.

Can I now say why God allowed me to have a miscarriage? No. Do I still miss my baby? Yes. On the days when my heart aches for the baby I will never hold, I hold tight to God’s promise.

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hearts, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter by turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” James 4:7-10